Ten miles or more

http://www.flickr.com/photos/14292131@N02/5188331830/lightbox/ 

(I did not take this picture)

Ten Miles. Thats all I ask from you. Make it ten miles and then, you and I together, will make it so much further then that.

It is funny to me that I cannot stop my brain from thinking. I just wish I could turn it off some times. I wish I could do what I wanted to do without any regret or consequences. But no. The Lord loves me way too much to let that happen. He gave me my mind not only as a gift but as a protection of love. Ten Miles. Thats what I chose to run in May. Thats what I chose to start training for in January. Thats the decision I made after hanging out with my friend Zeke one night in a Steelers bar watching the Steelers game. I made it after Zeke, who for kicks...not passion...chose to wear a purple shirt under a purple hoodie, in a sea of black and gold while the Steelers played the very purple baltimore team. He encouraged me to sign up and so the next morning, in January, I did. I did not realize, however, that this would be the start of a very long conversation with God.

The conversation began with all of the layers I needed to shed. The layer of self doubt, the layer of vulnerability, the layer of selfishness, the layer of self confidence, the layer of no confidence, the layer of insecurity, the layer of weight, the layer of beauty, the layer of ugliness.

Lots and lots of layers.

The conversation moved from layers to existence. My current existence was one of complaining and first world suffering. Amongst all of those very unemployed people out there I had a job that I did not like. I had a job that paid well, gave me what I understood as 40 hours a week, oh and also gave me full benefits. As well as a 401K if I chose to have it. I'm sorry, I did say that one of the layers needing to be shed was selfishness right?

One of my favorite friends told me a story once, saying, “ 'I was sitting talking to a therapist and I was complaining that all I wanted to do was be a rock star. I just wanted to dedicate my life to music'. So the therapist pointed to an abused and neglected guitar in the corner of the room and said, 'OK. Then walk over there. Pick up the guitar. And go be a rock star.' ”

So I did my family and friends a huge favor and stopped talking. I went out and applied to every thing I thought I would be happy at. After about four months of this I found it. Found what I wanted to do. I quit my job and changed my existence.

There is a beauty in the quietness that comes with running. I am not a graceful runner. I look horrible when I run. My face is always distorted while I'm running. If I could picture what I look like while I'm running I'm pretty sure it would be very similar to what I would look like if I were being drilled into while sitting in a dentist chair. But nonetheless there is a stillness and beauty in the act of running. In this stillness God always brings up his next point without forgetting to mentioning in what areas I need to continue improving in my old points. The next point was desire.

When I truly desire something I seek it strongly. I'm also good at justifying why I should do something or have this certain thing. The other thing I do when I desire something is I become willing. Its as if I'm willing to trade my love for Jesus for this one thing. If I want something that is not good for me then thats what I'm doing. I'm trading Jesus.

So in this softness and stillness God planted an image in my head. I was desiring something that I know for a fact is something God does not want for my life. He planted this image in my head of Roman guards holding a bloody and beaten Jesus. Two Roman guards. Each of them with an arm of Jesus in theirs ready to trade him. And on the other side was some one holding this lie that I wanted. To this day I still can't get this very detailed image out of my head.

When I shared this image with a roommate I lived with she showed me a passage in the Bible that described so closely what I had seen that it gave me goose bumps. She showed me this, “They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.” Romans 1:25

So last night I was supposed to run 10 miles. I have now moved on from that 10 mile run in May and am now training for a half marathon in September. As part of my training I was supposed to run 10 miles last night but due to my running shoes having been left outside in a rain storm I now had to wait. My very amazing friend Katy who was going to run this 10 miles with me quickly said, “Lets go ride our bikes instead and get a beer!” Done. So in my frustration of not running the 10 miles that I had to mentally prepare myself for all day, I was now riding my bike on a very beautiful night. Riding it 10 miles that is. And it was perfect. The weather was perfect. The reflection off the river of boathouse row, lit up at night, was perfect. And the conversation was perfect.

In this perfection this is what I learned last night. That I made it the 10 miles. I made it as far as God originally asked me to make it and now he asked me to go just a tiny bit further. Through this gift of ten miles God has given me so much more. He has given me amazing conversations with friends. He has given me incredible conversations with himself. He has given me a healthier body. He has given me a healthier view of my body. He has given me a healthier view of my love for him.

How far are you willing to go for the love of Jesus? 

Obedience by George Mcdonald. Photograph by Jaclynn Staub

One night as I was sitting with a friend I was feeling extremely doubtful about myself and the things that I was choosing to live for. In a moment of trying to give out the best advice he said, "Don't doubt yourself just trust in the Lord." My response was this,

"I do not doubt myself because of God. In fact I feel like the best version of myself when I am surrounded by the wonders of God. And because of that it makes me doubt everything else."

There is a poem by George Mcdonald titled Obedience. Some one shared this poem with me as I was contemplating the idea of moving to China for a year to teach English. Though I never ended up moving to China I fell in love with the poem and its words helped guide me to where I am now. In the same way I believe these words also helped my older brother Ricky. He has made a brave decision to leave a life of working for the movie industry in Hollywood to move into a homeless shelter in Philadelphia. When Ricky was going back and forth on this decision I sent him George Mcdonalds poem.

It is a constant reminder that the crown may not always be found in the comfort of our worldly possessions. Then again we were not all born to be the Mother Teresa's of this world either. But even Mother Teresa believed that every day is our missions field...no matter what you're doing. She doubted the solidarity of every thing around her except the presence of God. This presence and realness alone is the only thing to lean on...not our own understanding. 

So on that note, I am very proud of you Ricky Staub. Maybe we were not all born for a life of homelessness and poverty but we were all born for a life of commitment and love to our Lord and Savior. Some times I hear that stories we read in the Bible do not happen anymore. My response to this is usually, Oh Really? 

God, this is good.

Imagine working a really long hard day. Then imagine coming home to a gigantic glass of red wine and the best slice of pizza you ever had. The title of this post is supposed to be said out loud as if you are living in that moment. Sounding more like, "Gaahd, this is goood".

This moment I experienced while spending time with my family in Butler, New Jersey over easter. I was sitting in the backyard of my aunts house listening to my Mom retell a John Piper sermon to my brother, cousin, and step Dad. The air smelled sweet of Bradford Pear trees and Cherry Blossoms while the night was heavy with warmth. I watched my dog jump around the yard in freedom; celebrating being off his leash and out of the city of Philadelphia.

As I got a sudden need for a change of pace I walked back into my Aunts house to join in the conversation she and my brothers girlfriend Katie were having. As I sat there listening in on their conversation about the Lord and our lives as women I suddenly had the feeling of comfort and love. I walked away from a conversation about how amazing the Lord is into a conversation about how amazing the Lord is. The slow steady thought of how blessed I am by a family that seriously loves the Lord enclosed around me. I relished in the moment and let out a sigh of peace as I heard my heart say, "God, this is good."  

I'd Twat that.

Yes. That is my new pun I made up. It is based off of anyone I have ever found attractive that I would consider either cyber stalking through Facebook or Twitter. Kidding of course. (For those who don't know me and just read that...I'm sorry I make it so easy to judge me ;)

Actually this post is about how obnoxious our world has become in communicating with each other. So much so that when we pick up the phone or meet in person it feels so old school....but why at the same time do I love it?

I love the fact that I can be sitting in my bed on facebook and a facebook chat will pop up from my life long friend Ben in Ghana, Africa. I haven't seen him in three years and talking on the phone is way too expensive but through facebook it's free. He is studying at school and has free use of the computer...its amazing.

What I do not like though is not hearing about a get together with friends while I'm hanging out with those friends in person because one of my "friends" facebooked it to me. So meanwhile a week later after that hangout, I'm at home by myself wondering what all my friends are doing and they're all out at an awesome new jazz club because they decided to click attending. Awesome. Not an actual event that I'm passively aggressively posting about BUT lets be honest...its totally happened to us before!

But I do love that on Twitter I can Tweet something about a celebrity or well known icon and they can tweet me back. Which practically means I just had a conversation with John Quinones from ABC right! It is a cyber tie that is bringing the lower class into communication with royalty ;)

I rarely go on Twitter and the only reason I even got a Twitter was to follow the whole 'Rob Bell' topic. All of the interesting point of views were being talked about on Twitter and I was irritated I couldn't just read about it in a normal paper. SO I caved and made a Twitter account.

I do think a lot but I don't often find that I have 140 characters of something that I desperately need the world to hear. Most of the time I just use Twitter to tell the world I put up a new blog post...like this one. Its on my Twitter. Right now. Which brings up a new question. Is the past tense of Tweeting something Twat? Because lets be honest, using that in a sentence regularly would be awesome!

So thats it. All I really wanted to do is write something based off of my witty title I made up. I felt so proud of myself when I made that joke with friends over the past weekend. All I kept thinking was this is definitely going to become a real phrase in the near future...just you wait.

A Whole Lotta Nothing

I have not been feeling like writing anything lately. I haven't been motivated and its frustrating. I want to think that I can write every day about this and that and make it sound amazing. I have this romanticized idea that I will sit writing by the bay in my sun dress and big floppy hat. Reality check. Its storming out and 36 degrees in Philadelphia right now. Also there is not a bay close by. 


Lately I have been missing a guy I dated earlier this year. It was more serious then "just dating" so there for I am allowed to miss him without judgement. My heart is a tiny bit fractured but like anything broken it can be easily fixed with some really good glue :) Part of this glue comes in the form of running. Every beat of my heart that has his name on it also has my feet running that much harder. No, I am not one of those crazy angry girls thats imagining his face being crushed by my foot. FYI: girls, if this is the glue you use to mend the broken things...its bad glue! In actuality I am a woman that is hoping for the best in all of those I seriously care for. Plus I'm running farther and harder then I ever have in my life and it feels spectacular. So thank you?


Not much of a transition here but a change of subject. I finally did my taxes on my own today. Definitely a lot easier then I thought it was going to be but still needed the step by step instructions. So hats off to you Turbo Tax. Looking forward to that refund that I will most likely indulge on clothes from ModCloth. My new guilty pleasure. 


My splendid amazing father fixed my bike the other day and it now appears new. He might have just gotten me a new one, told me he fixed it, and now I'm handing out the father of the year award like it's candy...but I'm almost positive he's just that good ;) Anyways I have been whizzing through the city streets like any ol' hipster. I'm not too cool for a helmet though because I don't feel like dying anytime soon. Its been extremely fun though and I love the money I'm saving on gas. Now its just time for it to get warmer so I'm not suffering from frost bite by the time I get to my destination. 


Well, I'd say I've done pretty good for myself for someone who has not felt like writing. I just had to write something even if it was topics having absolutely nothing to do with each other. Maybe I should re-title this post to, "Glue, Taxes, and deceivingly convincing 'old bikes'..."...nah.... 


Over and out Philadelphia.

Good Life

I ran four straight miles yesterday for the first time in my life. Anyone who knows me knows what an accomplishment this is. I am currently training for the Broad Street Run in Philadelphia on May 1st. I started off my training not even being able to run a mile. I remember the moment I ran my first ten minute mile a few months ago. It felt so good. But this post is not about my training. It's not about how I'm feeling better about who I am lately. Its not about how I'm learning more about my body by actually paying attention to it. No, its not about any of these things.


Over last summer in 2010 my Uncle Paul passed away. He parted a family that already lost their daughter exactly four years before that; my beautiful cousin Jenna. My brother Ricky and I were in the hospital when the nurse brought out the news that Paul was not going to make it. He passed away four days before the day that Jenna passed away four years ago. This family of four was now down to two. Beautifully strong Aunt Lori and Courageous David. For my Uncle Paul's memorial service my brother Ricky compiled a video of pictures together. Starting off this video was the song Good Life by One Republic. Its a perfect song.


As a family we are learning that life is good. That God's existence in this life is SO SO good. Living in a city and amongst friends with goals about getting the gospel out to a hurting world has been life changing. Philadelphia owns me right now and I love it. Until God says otherwise this is where I will be.


So as I ran the four miles yesterday I could not stop thinking about Paul and Jenna. I was missing Jenna in a way I haven't in a long time. I listened to the song Good Life over and over again. I ran the whole four miles only listening to that song. The reason I was able to finish running was because I could not stop feeling inspired by the lyrics and how they applied to every thing. I thought about how I have absolutely nothing to complain about. That this life really is going to be a good one.

Jenna and Paul

The City of Sisterly Love

Valentines Day 11'

I have now been in Philadelphia for a year and 5 months. I left a sunny west coast for the industrial east. I was scared but I needed a change in my life. Hey, and I survived! I can't tell you how many people told me I was going to get mugged in Philadelphia...I even ran up the "Rocky Steps". Almost threw up when I got to the top...there is a lot of steps...

But here I am enjoying a life I could have never seen coming. It's as if God planned it himself ;) Besides being only 40 minutes from my incredible family and living two blocks from my brothers beautiful girlfriend I am surrounded by a community of love. 

What I felt I was lacking in California was a community of strong Christian women. I had that when I was in college but once I graduated every thing changed. 

What has been collected on this side of Philadelphia is a group of lovely ladies in my life. We all fell into each others lives mostly by chance. Some of us knew each other from before, whether it be college, work, or other churches. But about a year ago we all came together for dinner and have been together since, (four of which I live with now). Marking valentines day as this mile stone all of us went out to eat this year and enjoyed the day of love with each other. 

This week in particular has been an encouraging one and for no special reason at all; which I totally love. Spontaneous moments of joy. My favorite. 

Its been a week of working, sleeping, running, and hanging with friends. It started off with Monday night hanging out with the gals from my home group, (Bible Study in sorts...), and it was girl time to its fullest. We held conversations that no guy could have ever been a part of and it was glorious.

The rest of the week was simple and easy. It went from being in prayer with the ladies on Tuesday night, to going to Jazz with my two closest girlfriends on Thursday night, then meeting them for lunch on Friday, to ending with eating dinner with three very special women in my life on Friday night. 

Its now Saturday morning and I feel blessed, valued, and loved by God. Don't get me wrong I have also felt these things during the hard times which I have had my fair share of this year. So the other end of the spectrum is feeling blessed. I have discovered this from personal experience. 

So, to you my lovely lady friends, thank you for being amazing and a light into my life this week. 

1 Peter 3:3-4
“Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty that depends on fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.” (NLT)

Puppy Dogs and Thunder Storms

What a peculiar moment I had at 2am this morning. I was in a peaceful sleep dreaming about warm beaches in Mexico, laying next to my hunk of a dream husband Antonio, and drinking a Mohito. I woke up to a 106 pound dog growling and panting into my face because a thunder storm rolled in. I'm on the third story of a row home and the window in my room was shaking with fury.


Kona was howling into the night...which any noise coming from Kona is a rarity. After I finally opened my eyes and came around to what was actually happening I sleepily pulled Kona into my bed with me. Now I have a twin size day bed so you can imagine how comedic this must have looked. Once I pulled Kona into bed with me he dug his head into my armpit and continued barking.

Like any good parent (ha-ha) I rubbed his back and told him everything was going to be ok. He slowly calmed down and eventually fell asleep. His barking subsided and soon turned into snoring. Naturally as he was fast asleep snoring I was now wide awake listening to the storm outside. 

Kona still asleep in my bed at 8am.

As I lay there I thought about my life. I thought about the challenges and blessing that brought me to that exact moment. I love thunderstorms so as the weather orchestrated outside I felt a sense of peace and belonging. With this feeling though I also felt a sense of loss and loneliness. Its hard to imagine that one person can feel all of these things at the same exact time..but they found their way in. 


In my stillness I meditated on how the Lord truly does give and take away. I thought about the gives and takes of my relationship with the Lord. As I had this thought filled conversation with God I came to the conclusion that my sense of peace and belonging strongly outweighed the loss and loneliness. I am loved. No matter what, I am loved and wanted by God. In my stillness I could hear God saying, "Daughter, sleep with peace. You belong to me. You are bought and paid for by Christ and I love you." 

With that I fell asleep and woke up rejuvenated hungry for the day. I didn't even mind that Kona's wet nose was still in my armpit.

Sisterhood

(Click on Title for photo Album)

Taylor, Maya, Me, Ashley

I am one lucky gal. I am blessed in my life by four beautiful sisters. In the order of age is Holly, Ashley, myself, Taylor, and Maya. Each of us are very different from each other and our personalities are distinctly our own. But God has used these women to strengthen my life. They have all been through some of the roughest times in my life and theirs. In no way can I give more credit to my older sisters for this then my younger ones. Its easy to say that my older sisters were amazing when I was going through a really hard time in my life during a break up in college with a guy I dated from high school. Or its easy to say that my younger sisters were incredible to live with during the summers of college while I was living at home with my Dad and step Mom. Feeling their youthfulness and being able to join in on their adventures inspired me.


Even now watching them grow into women is one of the most timeless experiences. They are both so beautiful and intelligent and have these amazing vibrant personalities that make you feel nothing but proud to be their sister. I sit there some times and just smile with a sense of ownership. Where I think, about all of my sisters, "these are my sisters. They're mine to have, to love, to pick on, to cry with, to get angry at, to laugh with until it hurts, to share secrets with. God has given these beautiful women to me to cherish. They are a gift."

I now reside in Philadelphia. I lived in Southern California for 5 years attending Azusa Pacific University and then eventually living in Santa Monica for 8 months. People think I'm absolutely crazy for moving. I also moved here right before the huge snow storm in 09'. Now I'm normally from Chicago but even that snow storm swallowed up anything I thought I new about surviving the winter. But I loved it! My Dad, step mom, and three of my sisters live in Delaware not too far from Philadelphia. So now I live here with the option of being with my sisters any time I want. I moved for my family. I missed them.

My sister Maya started attending church with me on Sundays. She strolls in at 12 years old with a style better then any one else's. You will usually find her in skinny jeans, heals, a sweater to her mid thigh, and a stylish belt over top. Maya is a young woman that walks to a beat of her own drum; and I love it. She adds into the conversation like any ol' person in their 20's. Where to go eat after church, the sermon, what our weeks were like...these are the regular topics of conversation that usually follow church. When Maya chimes in, if you couldn't see her, you would think she was a 25 year old adding in their opinion. For example; I remember one Sunday when the conversation following church was based off of where to eat. We were all suggesting different places and Maya spoke up with, "I'm definitely down for anything but I'm really not feeling IHOP today so if we could rule that out that would be great." Granted we have never gone to IHOP after church before but we all looked at her and smiled. IHOP was officially ruled out.

My sister Ashley just moved from Baltimore to Delaware to be closer to our family. She has an amazing husband named Gary, a handsome son named Nathan, and a beautiful daughter named Sophia Grace...or Phoie as Nathan refers to her. If I could think of one word to describe her it would be strength. This woman is Legit ;) Occasionally you will hear the stories of the people where when hard times hit their spirit is gone. Even if this situation never hits again, it doesn't matter. There is nothing you can say or do for these individuals. But then there are those you hear about that no matter what they have done or what horrific things they may have witnessed, because they find their way back home they are better people than if they had never gone through this hard time at all. This person is my beautiful sister Ashley.








 

Holly

I love the imagery that comes to mind with the phrase My Brothers Keeper. What does that phrase really mean to the world? Well, to my sister Holly it means exactly that. My oldest brother Josh suffers from schizophrenia. He suffers from it so bad in fact that he has become a prisoner in his own body. My sister Holly is divinely courageous with her love towards Josh. Having Holly as an older sister has probably been one of the biggest testaments to why I myself am growing into the woman that I am. Watching her selflessly care for my brother the way she does has been incredible. When I say the word selflessly I mean it to its fullest definition. Taking care of some one with schizophrenia is hard. All of us siblings clearly love Josh but the place that he has in Holly's heart is special and unreachable except by him alone. Watching a person love the way Holly does, it is impossible not to be truly impacted for life...and for that I am eternally grateful for her.



Now, I love all of my siblings but I LOVE Taylor. I put a special emphasis on this sister in particular because love is a word you will rarely hear come out of her mouth. Taylor hearts every body. She has been replacing the word love with the word heart as long as I can remember. Why she does this I have no idea. Am I worried that she refuses to tell me she loves me? Absolutely not. Taylor has an awesome personality and she is very adamant about her direction in life. She doesn't quit and she will do every thing in her power to get what she wants. She has inspired me to read the Twilight series and the Harry Potter series. I love discussing both of these stories with her. Generally we will have the same opinion on characters but once in a while we both think we are right and the other is clearly wrong. I watched her as she decided to be a Vegan just to do it and stuck with it until my step Mom made her turn into a Vegetarian for health reasons. She has been going strong with this for about a year? I'm probably wrong on the time frame but you get the point ;) Taylor is growing into a beautiful confident woman. She is in high school now and it feels like last Tuesday she was just learning how to walk. Even in that moment she was so proud of herself. Ricky, my older brother, held her hands and helped her walk out into the living room and her face encompassed such joy. She crawled back to the starting point waiting for Ricky about 10 times that afternoon. Taylor is now at the point where she does not need us to hold her hands anymore and when she falls down she always gets back up. We have slowly fallen away from being her teacher but have quickly moved into the spot of learning a tremendous amount from her. She is my own personal life coach ;)



This is what I love. I love my sisters. They are my soul mates. They are my life long partners in crime and victory. They are the furrow in my brow but also the smile on my face. They are the main reason I have laugh lines as deep as I do. They are there to forever remind me of my most embarrassing moments...and then share them with any future boyfriends of mine.




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Beautiful

(Click on the word Beautiful right above to watch video)

I just watched this video and this little girl is so beautiful and talented. Made me cry.

No Name Rap

The Music Doesnt Lie.

Picture I took of the city I'm here to take on.

Picture I took while living on the streets of San Fran for two weeks.

(Reposting a Post) -Something I wrote while not able to access my blog- Original: Tuesday, January 19, 2010 at 10:06am

I wrote this rap while I was living in Santa Monica, California and hanging out with the homeless on Venice Beach. After eating lunch with a few of my new found homeless friends a rich man walked by and scoffed at me...and this is when these words came pounding onto my heart :) I've never written a "Rap" before so Critics go easy on me... but these words are meant to be read with a beat in your head. Read it as a rap or verse.


No Name Rap


Here I am standing right here
Do you hear me? Do you see my fears?
Of course you don’t
You’re looking at me with blind eyes, closed ears.

Open your mind, open your eyes.
Look around but don’t look so surprised

This is the way it’s always been
A life starving for love but surrounded by sin

Be the change that you want to see?
Does it start with you? Does it start with me?

I clutch my bible, keep it by my side
I read the words, become mad,
at how much the world has lied

I dance to my own beat
I wave my fists, jump to my feet

It starts now
No longer do I take a back seat

I feel the beat so strongly it pulses my heart
If you want to change the world now is a great time to start

People are running, they look so scared
The world just watches,
making comments, make’n em sound like they cared.

Throw off your shoes; give the shirt off your back
If you can’t do that,
don’t be surprised when its respect that you lack.

There you are, where you drive your nice cars
Whistle at the women, hang out at the bars.

Here I am made for the poor
But I have to be rich to open the door

Screw irony I will break that chain
I’m bringing new reason to why my savior was slain

I hold my hands high, jump to my feat
No longer do I sit here accepting defeat

If this is the life that I was made to live for
I’m not going to live it
as if I’m living for chores

People say, Jesus is coming back to the earth, I say He’s been here the whole time
he’s in them, the them that you don’t give a dime
Listen up people…now is the time!

Start it up…start living out those words that are so easy to speak
The words of the bible, your life, words that were meant for the meek.

People will laugh at you not understanding your ways
They turn the others around you, on you, choosing how to number your days

I say bring it on cause I got God on my side
The one, who for me, chose to die, broke my pride, watched me lied
And in the end, still, chose to be my guide

They look at me and they think they know
They got it all figured out, a white girl from Wheaton
But you reap what you sow

I get to say that I’ve been there before
No money, no food, broken family
But what is it that you’ve got to show for?

My Truth

(Reposting a Post) -Something I wrote while not able to access my blog- Original: Saturday, April 26, 2008 at 2:31pm

No matter what anyone says...I AM a beautiful person.

Do The Best I Can
-By APU’s own Andrea Hamilton

Maybe I’m not good enough for you
You want me to be some body else
Somebody more like yourself
I was starting to believe you knew so much more then me
Back when I hated looking in mirrors

I was scared of who I was
All I was holding
keeping my soul from
Learning how to love

But I will sing my song and walk my melody
And I will surround myself with honesty
Find out who I am
and do the best that I can

Maybe I’m not beautiful to you
You learn what beauty is
From somebody else
Or you’ve been hurt so bad yourself
And there’s nothing I can do
But hope you get here too

Back when I hated
how I was created
I worried what they thought of me
Now Ive accepted
Not everyone gets it

But I’m gonna be free…

So I will sing my song and walk my melody
And I will surround myself with honesty
Find out who I am

I will sing my song and walk my melody
And I will surround myself with honesty
Just be who I am
Just be who I am
Just be who I am
And do the best that I can




***********************************************************************
This is a song written and sung by APU’s own Andrea Hamilton but her words through this song were so encouraging to me that I wanted to share it with every one else.


If you get a chance to listen to it…you should :)

Despite it all…

-I took this picture while I was in san francisco and I thought it appropriate for this note because its a father holding his daughter showing her the world below the bridge-

(REPOSTING A POST) -Original: Thursday, March 15, 2007 at 1:07pm.

I woke up this morning to study for a test that I really didn’t want to take or even study for. Since I have been so caught up with school I haven’t even had time for God. My life has become one big distraction. So instead of studying I decided to put my headphones on and listen to “Wholly Yours,” by David Crowder Band and it really filled me. I began to reminisce about days when I lived in Wheaton, IL and about old friends and experiences I had there. When I came to APU I used to think that I never wanted to return to Wheaton but I realize that God really did bless me with amazing things in that town. I also began to remember all of the amazing times I worshipped God. It’s funny because I wasn’t even really a Christian until I came to APU but there were times where I knew he was there. I began to pray for every thing and realized that because of God life is so awesome even though it can completely suck some times. It doesn’t always go the way you want it but I feel that I am a living testimony about second chances and my life story isn’t even as great as some I have heard. I realize that I am so thankful for my education, for my experiences that I have in Africa and Mexico every year. I am so thankful for my wonderful family and how far we have all come in loving each other. Life is so worth it even though some times it may not seem worth it. I just am so thankful for this new revival going on in my life and thankful for my salvation even though I may not lead my life as Christ would every day.

PS: That test I was studying for I decided to study for it as though it was a test from God (cheesy I know) But I totally NAILED IT!

I'm Back :)

Well, after a long process of trying to recover my password off an email address that no longer works I'm back. I refused to get a new blog for the sole reason that I love my web address too much. I love the story of Into the Wild and the reference of Leather Tramp. I love the fact that years ago I chose that web address and was so incredibly happy to learn that no one else had already picked it. So here I am about 2 and a half years later, back on, after long hours of trying to figure out what my login in was. Here I am at 1:32am lying in my bed, lids half open, but so excited to have recovered my blog.


So on that note [speaking directly to my blog] ....Hello old friend. I've missed you and have so much to tell you... ;)