Jenna :)

Jenna is that girl that changed your life just by being in the same room with you and I picked that up just by being on the phone with her. I have always known that there was something special about Jenna and her heart for God. She actually inspired me to be a better person long before this moment. She has always been the sweet honest Jenna that we all know and love while still maintaining that amazing sense of humor that I know we all love. When I was younger I loved being around Jenna because she made me feel so loved and valued. I had some of the best times with her and the hardest laughs.

I was blessed enough to be able to talk to Jenna one last time about two and a half weeks ago. Oddly enough we talked about memories that we have had together that actually made us laugh so hard I believe we were both crying on the phone. I know that God was giving me the most amazing gift of all by being able to have this conversation with Jenna that I am going to value for the rest of my life. We talked a little bit about how David and Ricky used to beat up on us during our summer vacations up at the condo or the lake house in Jersey and how much we hated it but also how much we loved it at the same time; our big brothers. We talked about the time that Ricky, my mom, and I were spending time at their house for thanksgiving and Jenna and I were eating breakfast and we were eating pancakes and I flooded my plate with syrup. And Jenna glanced over smiled really big and grabbed the syrup and started flooding her plate too until Aunt Lorie came over and started laughing and said, “ok your pancakes are swimming, that’s enough”. I remember Jenna saying that she just wanted her pancakes exactly like mine.

Jenna and I have had this running joke that since her last name is Staup S-T-A-U-P and mine is Staub S-T-A-U-B that we were just one letter away from being the same person. That Ricky, David, Jenna, and I were really siblings just separated into different families, but we both knew that her and David really just wanted to be Ricky and me. But my most valued and cherished memory I have with Jenna is the time that I went to go visit them in New Jersey and we were standing in her back yard staring up at the moon. Jenna was standing on the deck of her pool and I was at the top of her yard and we were amazed by the fact that when I looked at the moon it looked like it was right in front of me. But if I were to walk back over to Jenna it would follow and then look like it was right in front of her.

I’m pretty sure we sat there for about 45 minutes walking back and forth and jokingly arguing who the moon was in front of and I remember walking back over to her and standing on the deck of the pool both of us looking at the moon and she said, “its so weird to think that the moon will follow you will ever you will go.” And I realize that those words hold more meaning to me now then they did then. I realized that Jenna like the moon will always be with me where ever I will go. She will always be following me and all I have to do is look up and she will be right there.
Jenna had just finished her first year at Palm Beach Atlantic when she died. She wanted to be a doctor. She was pre-med with an art minor. She wanted to move to France and live off the money she would make from selling her paintings. She was the sunshine in every ones life.

So my question is, why does death affect us so much? AND why does it always seem like the ones that die are the ones that mattered most? That is a question I don’t have an answer for.