Alright. I'm doing it. I'm writing about singleness. Dun, dun, dunnn... But I'm single so I know what I'm talking about. I'm also not single by choice either. I mean who knew that the third eye I had growing out of my forehead would be such a problem am I right? Or as Bridget Jones so eloquently put it, "well, I suppose it doesn't help that underneath our clothes our entire bodies are covered in scales," after being asked why there are so many single women in their thirties. It's a scientific fact that scales suddenly grow on your body when you remain single and unchosen by all of the other men and women around you. Look it up. It's true.
Well here's a real fact for you. God did not promise that we would be married. I dare you to try to find that as a fact. Because it isn't one. I want to know where in the Bible does God promise us someone else other than himself? I get that we were created for community. I understand where two or more are gathered their God will be as well. But those two are not strictly husband and wife. Don't get me wrong...I want to be married as much as the next person but God does not promise us we'll be married someday. In fact his promise is that He'll never leave us. He'll never forsake us. That his presence is forever in our lives. His promise is that no matter how much we screw up he still chooses us. Yes marriage exist. Yes it's an AAAmazing thing. Yes it's talked about in the Bible. But no. It is not a promise or guarantee from God that every single person that has ever lived will be married someday. It is not a promise worth investing your entire life in either. It's not worth constantly chasing. Let me make myself understood as well. Online dating, organic dating, or hanging out with other single people is not constantly chasing. They are things I participate in quite frequently. But hoping on a promise that doesn't exist? That's chasing. That's chasing and worshiping something that God just might simply not have in store for you.
But there is a bigger hope out there for you. There is a real promise that does exist that you will 100% receive...and that is God's choice of you. He chose you. Whether you choose him back or not doesn't matter because it doesn't change the fact that he still chooses you. Every day. You can even read this and try to combat my words with all your mumbo jumbo that God and Jesus doesn't exist but he still chooses you. Because he does exist FYI. So does his love.
But here's the real pickle at hand. Being married does not trump being single. And I am single. Some days it really sucks. Wait correction. Most days it sucks. But in no way is it healthy to live for a promise that you'll receive a husband or wife someday. It is not something to be earned and not a guarantee. Instead live for sharing God's love. Live for the reason we were actually placed on this earth to begin with...to bring witness to God's loving mercy and truth. Instead live for the truth that God chooses you every day. Please do not misunderstand me. I love and value a strong marriage. I love seeing my friends and siblings in happy marriages and being a witness of the wonderful things it can do for two people. It's so beautiful and is a real desire of mine to also have but I will not allow myself to get lost in that desire because that is not what I was put on this earth for. That's also not what you were put on this earth for either. There are many purposes that surround a main purpose and the main one? We are here to make disciples of this world by sharing Jesus's love and truth through the Gospel. What if we lived in a world where there were conferences and sessions focused on glorifying Christ rather than ones solely focused on marriage? Simply put, the spiritual focus is making disciples of the world and glorifying Jesus with your life. Though I truly desire to be married someday what if God's plan for me is to spread his name and truth...unmarried? Does that make me any less worthy of his plan? Or does that make me dysfunctional in someway...that something must be wrong with me...that's why I'm still single? Absolutely not. That is God's plan for me. Not mine. Marriage and singleness is not A team and B team.
If you are married. Awesome. If you are not? Still awesome. Your purpose and worthiness does not change. If you feel as though you were born to be a parent and now you are? Incredible! If you feel as though you were created to be a spouse and now you are married? Great! If you feel as though you were placed on this earth to be single? Wonderful! And if you feel as though you are stuck in any three of those then trust God's plan for you; especially being "stuck" in singleness. But all of this does not change the main and true purpose of why we are here; to spread the Gospel through God's love on others. Just because I'm single it does not mean I'm any further away from his plan for me. It does not mean I'm not just as valuable, beautiful, worthy, or chosen as my married sister or brother standing next to me. But one thing is for sure the grass is greener where I stand now...not the other side. It just depends on what you are fertilizing your lawn with.
Take a walk with me and let me fully challenge you. Live as if God wouldn't give you the desires of your heart but you would choose him anyways. Because here's the real question. Imagine if somehow God gave you a preview to the very end of your life and there you discover God didn't give you all the desires of your heart (ie: marriage). Would you still choose to serve and chase after him every single day? If the answer is yes why not live life like that now?
One more thing before you go. I posted this a while back and I encourage you to read this poem I wrote about the internal dialogue on singleness between what a women often feels and thinks and Gods response.
Will anyone ever see me as worth pursuing? Will anyone ever enter into a room, look at me, and say, "I knew immediately that she was the one"? Will I be somebody's somebody? Will I be the reason someone's time comes undone? Will he stop me before I go out the door? Will he stop me and say, "no…I want more"? Will he look past what my body can give him? Will he look into my soul? Will he miss me when I am not with him? Will he give God control? Will he see that I've climbed every mountaintop? Will he see that Ive walked through the valley below? Don't you see that unless he asks me...these things he will not know? Will he have conversations with you about me? Will he pray that you guide his way? Will he get nervous when he sees me...not knowing what to say?
Will she talk to me this morning? Will she give me the day before the sun will rise? With her troubled heart will she lean upon me? Will she open up her eyes? Will she not see even the very hairs on her head are all numbered...down to the last one? Will she not see that everyday I pursue her and because I love her, I gave her my one and only son? Does she not see that she is altogether beautiful with no flaw in sight? Will she not see that her worth out numbers all the sparrows? That it's only the sparrows that will take flight? Does she not see when I enter into a room I look at her and say, "she is the one"? That she did not choose me but I chose her. That between her and I...time is always undone. Will she not see my love gaze upon her as I hold onto her soul? Does she not realize that she is loved beyond measure and that her heart is paid in full? Will she not miss me when she feels as though I am not with her? Will she give me control? Will she see me on the mountain top? Will she see that I am with her in the valley below? Will she see that there are no secrets between us for these things I already know? Does she understand that she is never alone? That when she comes near to me...my presence I will give? Does she know that those thoughts do not define her and that if she puts her identity in me she will see, for her, I gave these words to Amos, "seek The Lord and live!"
