A Whole Lotta Nothing

I have not been feeling like writing anything lately. I haven't been motivated and its frustrating. I want to think that I can write every day about this and that and make it sound amazing. I have this romanticized idea that I will sit writing by the bay in my sun dress and big floppy hat. Reality check. Its storming out and 36 degrees in Philadelphia right now. Also there is not a bay close by. 


Lately I have been missing a guy I dated earlier this year. It was more serious then "just dating" so there for I am allowed to miss him without judgement. My heart is a tiny bit fractured but like anything broken it can be easily fixed with some really good glue :) Part of this glue comes in the form of running. Every beat of my heart that has his name on it also has my feet running that much harder. No, I am not one of those crazy angry girls thats imagining his face being crushed by my foot. FYI: girls, if this is the glue you use to mend the broken things...its bad glue! In actuality I am a woman that is hoping for the best in all of those I seriously care for. Plus I'm running farther and harder then I ever have in my life and it feels spectacular. So thank you?


Not much of a transition here but a change of subject. I finally did my taxes on my own today. Definitely a lot easier then I thought it was going to be but still needed the step by step instructions. So hats off to you Turbo Tax. Looking forward to that refund that I will most likely indulge on clothes from ModCloth. My new guilty pleasure. 


My splendid amazing father fixed my bike the other day and it now appears new. He might have just gotten me a new one, told me he fixed it, and now I'm handing out the father of the year award like it's candy...but I'm almost positive he's just that good ;) Anyways I have been whizzing through the city streets like any ol' hipster. I'm not too cool for a helmet though because I don't feel like dying anytime soon. Its been extremely fun though and I love the money I'm saving on gas. Now its just time for it to get warmer so I'm not suffering from frost bite by the time I get to my destination. 


Well, I'd say I've done pretty good for myself for someone who has not felt like writing. I just had to write something even if it was topics having absolutely nothing to do with each other. Maybe I should re-title this post to, "Glue, Taxes, and deceivingly convincing 'old bikes'..."...nah.... 


Over and out Philadelphia.

Good Life

I ran four straight miles yesterday for the first time in my life. Anyone who knows me knows what an accomplishment this is. I am currently training for the Broad Street Run in Philadelphia on May 1st. I started off my training not even being able to run a mile. I remember the moment I ran my first ten minute mile a few months ago. It felt so good. But this post is not about my training. It's not about how I'm feeling better about who I am lately. Its not about how I'm learning more about my body by actually paying attention to it. No, its not about any of these things.


Over last summer in 2010 my Uncle Paul passed away. He parted a family that already lost their daughter exactly four years before that; my beautiful cousin Jenna. My brother Ricky and I were in the hospital when the nurse brought out the news that Paul was not going to make it. He passed away four days before the day that Jenna passed away four years ago. This family of four was now down to two. Beautifully strong Aunt Lori and Courageous David. For my Uncle Paul's memorial service my brother Ricky compiled a video of pictures together. Starting off this video was the song Good Life by One Republic. Its a perfect song.


As a family we are learning that life is good. That God's existence in this life is SO SO good. Living in a city and amongst friends with goals about getting the gospel out to a hurting world has been life changing. Philadelphia owns me right now and I love it. Until God says otherwise this is where I will be.


So as I ran the four miles yesterday I could not stop thinking about Paul and Jenna. I was missing Jenna in a way I haven't in a long time. I listened to the song Good Life over and over again. I ran the whole four miles only listening to that song. The reason I was able to finish running was because I could not stop feeling inspired by the lyrics and how they applied to every thing. I thought about how I have absolutely nothing to complain about. That this life really is going to be a good one.

Jenna and Paul

The City of Sisterly Love

Valentines Day 11'

I have now been in Philadelphia for a year and 5 months. I left a sunny west coast for the industrial east. I was scared but I needed a change in my life. Hey, and I survived! I can't tell you how many people told me I was going to get mugged in Philadelphia...I even ran up the "Rocky Steps". Almost threw up when I got to the top...there is a lot of steps...

But here I am enjoying a life I could have never seen coming. It's as if God planned it himself ;) Besides being only 40 minutes from my incredible family and living two blocks from my brothers beautiful girlfriend I am surrounded by a community of love. 

What I felt I was lacking in California was a community of strong Christian women. I had that when I was in college but once I graduated every thing changed. 

What has been collected on this side of Philadelphia is a group of lovely ladies in my life. We all fell into each others lives mostly by chance. Some of us knew each other from before, whether it be college, work, or other churches. But about a year ago we all came together for dinner and have been together since, (four of which I live with now). Marking valentines day as this mile stone all of us went out to eat this year and enjoyed the day of love with each other. 

This week in particular has been an encouraging one and for no special reason at all; which I totally love. Spontaneous moments of joy. My favorite. 

Its been a week of working, sleeping, running, and hanging with friends. It started off with Monday night hanging out with the gals from my home group, (Bible Study in sorts...), and it was girl time to its fullest. We held conversations that no guy could have ever been a part of and it was glorious.

The rest of the week was simple and easy. It went from being in prayer with the ladies on Tuesday night, to going to Jazz with my two closest girlfriends on Thursday night, then meeting them for lunch on Friday, to ending with eating dinner with three very special women in my life on Friday night. 

Its now Saturday morning and I feel blessed, valued, and loved by God. Don't get me wrong I have also felt these things during the hard times which I have had my fair share of this year. So the other end of the spectrum is feeling blessed. I have discovered this from personal experience. 

So, to you my lovely lady friends, thank you for being amazing and a light into my life this week. 

1 Peter 3:3-4
“Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty that depends on fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.” (NLT)

Puppy Dogs and Thunder Storms

What a peculiar moment I had at 2am this morning. I was in a peaceful sleep dreaming about warm beaches in Mexico, laying next to my hunk of a dream husband Antonio, and drinking a Mohito. I woke up to a 106 pound dog growling and panting into my face because a thunder storm rolled in. I'm on the third story of a row home and the window in my room was shaking with fury.


Kona was howling into the night...which any noise coming from Kona is a rarity. After I finally opened my eyes and came around to what was actually happening I sleepily pulled Kona into my bed with me. Now I have a twin size day bed so you can imagine how comedic this must have looked. Once I pulled Kona into bed with me he dug his head into my armpit and continued barking.

Like any good parent (ha-ha) I rubbed his back and told him everything was going to be ok. He slowly calmed down and eventually fell asleep. His barking subsided and soon turned into snoring. Naturally as he was fast asleep snoring I was now wide awake listening to the storm outside. 

Kona still asleep in my bed at 8am.

As I lay there I thought about my life. I thought about the challenges and blessing that brought me to that exact moment. I love thunderstorms so as the weather orchestrated outside I felt a sense of peace and belonging. With this feeling though I also felt a sense of loss and loneliness. Its hard to imagine that one person can feel all of these things at the same exact time..but they found their way in. 


In my stillness I meditated on how the Lord truly does give and take away. I thought about the gives and takes of my relationship with the Lord. As I had this thought filled conversation with God I came to the conclusion that my sense of peace and belonging strongly outweighed the loss and loneliness. I am loved. No matter what, I am loved and wanted by God. In my stillness I could hear God saying, "Daughter, sleep with peace. You belong to me. You are bought and paid for by Christ and I love you." 

With that I fell asleep and woke up rejuvenated hungry for the day. I didn't even mind that Kona's wet nose was still in my armpit.