Obedience by George Mcdonald. Photograph by Jaclynn Staub

One night as I was sitting with a friend I was feeling extremely doubtful about myself and the things that I was choosing to live for. In a moment of trying to give out the best advice he said, "Don't doubt yourself just trust in the Lord." My response was this,

"I do not doubt myself because of God. In fact I feel like the best version of myself when I am surrounded by the wonders of God. And because of that it makes me doubt everything else."

There is a poem by George Mcdonald titled Obedience. Some one shared this poem with me as I was contemplating the idea of moving to China for a year to teach English. Though I never ended up moving to China I fell in love with the poem and its words helped guide me to where I am now. In the same way I believe these words also helped my older brother Ricky. He has made a brave decision to leave a life of working for the movie industry in Hollywood to move into a homeless shelter in Philadelphia. When Ricky was going back and forth on this decision I sent him George Mcdonalds poem.

It is a constant reminder that the crown may not always be found in the comfort of our worldly possessions. Then again we were not all born to be the Mother Teresa's of this world either. But even Mother Teresa believed that every day is our missions field...no matter what you're doing. She doubted the solidarity of every thing around her except the presence of God. This presence and realness alone is the only thing to lean on...not our own understanding. 

So on that note, I am very proud of you Ricky Staub. Maybe we were not all born for a life of homelessness and poverty but we were all born for a life of commitment and love to our Lord and Savior. Some times I hear that stories we read in the Bible do not happen anymore. My response to this is usually, Oh Really? 

God, this is good.

Imagine working a really long hard day. Then imagine coming home to a gigantic glass of red wine and the best slice of pizza you ever had. The title of this post is supposed to be said out loud as if you are living in that moment. Sounding more like, "Gaahd, this is goood".

This moment I experienced while spending time with my family in Butler, New Jersey over easter. I was sitting in the backyard of my aunts house listening to my Mom retell a John Piper sermon to my brother, cousin, and step Dad. The air smelled sweet of Bradford Pear trees and Cherry Blossoms while the night was heavy with warmth. I watched my dog jump around the yard in freedom; celebrating being off his leash and out of the city of Philadelphia.

As I got a sudden need for a change of pace I walked back into my Aunts house to join in the conversation she and my brothers girlfriend Katie were having. As I sat there listening in on their conversation about the Lord and our lives as women I suddenly had the feeling of comfort and love. I walked away from a conversation about how amazing the Lord is into a conversation about how amazing the Lord is. The slow steady thought of how blessed I am by a family that seriously loves the Lord enclosed around me. I relished in the moment and let out a sigh of peace as I heard my heart say, "God, this is good."  

I'd Twat that.

Yes. That is my new pun I made up. It is based off of anyone I have ever found attractive that I would consider either cyber stalking through Facebook or Twitter. Kidding of course. (For those who don't know me and just read that...I'm sorry I make it so easy to judge me ;)

Actually this post is about how obnoxious our world has become in communicating with each other. So much so that when we pick up the phone or meet in person it feels so old school....but why at the same time do I love it?

I love the fact that I can be sitting in my bed on facebook and a facebook chat will pop up from my life long friend Ben in Ghana, Africa. I haven't seen him in three years and talking on the phone is way too expensive but through facebook it's free. He is studying at school and has free use of the computer...its amazing.

What I do not like though is not hearing about a get together with friends while I'm hanging out with those friends in person because one of my "friends" facebooked it to me. So meanwhile a week later after that hangout, I'm at home by myself wondering what all my friends are doing and they're all out at an awesome new jazz club because they decided to click attending. Awesome. Not an actual event that I'm passively aggressively posting about BUT lets be honest...its totally happened to us before!

But I do love that on Twitter I can Tweet something about a celebrity or well known icon and they can tweet me back. Which practically means I just had a conversation with John Quinones from ABC right! It is a cyber tie that is bringing the lower class into communication with royalty ;)

I rarely go on Twitter and the only reason I even got a Twitter was to follow the whole 'Rob Bell' topic. All of the interesting point of views were being talked about on Twitter and I was irritated I couldn't just read about it in a normal paper. SO I caved and made a Twitter account.

I do think a lot but I don't often find that I have 140 characters of something that I desperately need the world to hear. Most of the time I just use Twitter to tell the world I put up a new blog post...like this one. Its on my Twitter. Right now. Which brings up a new question. Is the past tense of Tweeting something Twat? Because lets be honest, using that in a sentence regularly would be awesome!

So thats it. All I really wanted to do is write something based off of my witty title I made up. I felt so proud of myself when I made that joke with friends over the past weekend. All I kept thinking was this is definitely going to become a real phrase in the near future...just you wait.

A Whole Lotta Nothing

I have not been feeling like writing anything lately. I haven't been motivated and its frustrating. I want to think that I can write every day about this and that and make it sound amazing. I have this romanticized idea that I will sit writing by the bay in my sun dress and big floppy hat. Reality check. Its storming out and 36 degrees in Philadelphia right now. Also there is not a bay close by. 


Lately I have been missing a guy I dated earlier this year. It was more serious then "just dating" so there for I am allowed to miss him without judgement. My heart is a tiny bit fractured but like anything broken it can be easily fixed with some really good glue :) Part of this glue comes in the form of running. Every beat of my heart that has his name on it also has my feet running that much harder. No, I am not one of those crazy angry girls thats imagining his face being crushed by my foot. FYI: girls, if this is the glue you use to mend the broken things...its bad glue! In actuality I am a woman that is hoping for the best in all of those I seriously care for. Plus I'm running farther and harder then I ever have in my life and it feels spectacular. So thank you?


Not much of a transition here but a change of subject. I finally did my taxes on my own today. Definitely a lot easier then I thought it was going to be but still needed the step by step instructions. So hats off to you Turbo Tax. Looking forward to that refund that I will most likely indulge on clothes from ModCloth. My new guilty pleasure. 


My splendid amazing father fixed my bike the other day and it now appears new. He might have just gotten me a new one, told me he fixed it, and now I'm handing out the father of the year award like it's candy...but I'm almost positive he's just that good ;) Anyways I have been whizzing through the city streets like any ol' hipster. I'm not too cool for a helmet though because I don't feel like dying anytime soon. Its been extremely fun though and I love the money I'm saving on gas. Now its just time for it to get warmer so I'm not suffering from frost bite by the time I get to my destination. 


Well, I'd say I've done pretty good for myself for someone who has not felt like writing. I just had to write something even if it was topics having absolutely nothing to do with each other. Maybe I should re-title this post to, "Glue, Taxes, and deceivingly convincing 'old bikes'..."...nah.... 


Over and out Philadelphia.

Good Life

I ran four straight miles yesterday for the first time in my life. Anyone who knows me knows what an accomplishment this is. I am currently training for the Broad Street Run in Philadelphia on May 1st. I started off my training not even being able to run a mile. I remember the moment I ran my first ten minute mile a few months ago. It felt so good. But this post is not about my training. It's not about how I'm feeling better about who I am lately. Its not about how I'm learning more about my body by actually paying attention to it. No, its not about any of these things.


Over last summer in 2010 my Uncle Paul passed away. He parted a family that already lost their daughter exactly four years before that; my beautiful cousin Jenna. My brother Ricky and I were in the hospital when the nurse brought out the news that Paul was not going to make it. He passed away four days before the day that Jenna passed away four years ago. This family of four was now down to two. Beautifully strong Aunt Lori and Courageous David. For my Uncle Paul's memorial service my brother Ricky compiled a video of pictures together. Starting off this video was the song Good Life by One Republic. Its a perfect song.


As a family we are learning that life is good. That God's existence in this life is SO SO good. Living in a city and amongst friends with goals about getting the gospel out to a hurting world has been life changing. Philadelphia owns me right now and I love it. Until God says otherwise this is where I will be.


So as I ran the four miles yesterday I could not stop thinking about Paul and Jenna. I was missing Jenna in a way I haven't in a long time. I listened to the song Good Life over and over again. I ran the whole four miles only listening to that song. The reason I was able to finish running was because I could not stop feeling inspired by the lyrics and how they applied to every thing. I thought about how I have absolutely nothing to complain about. That this life really is going to be a good one.

Jenna and Paul