A Whole Lotta Nothing

I have not been feeling like writing anything lately. I haven't been motivated and its frustrating. I want to think that I can write every day about this and that and make it sound amazing. I have this romanticized idea that I will sit writing by the bay in my sun dress and big floppy hat. Reality check. Its storming out and 36 degrees in Philadelphia right now. Also there is not a bay close by. 


Lately I have been missing a guy I dated earlier this year. It was more serious then "just dating" so there for I am allowed to miss him without judgement. My heart is a tiny bit fractured but like anything broken it can be easily fixed with some really good glue :) Part of this glue comes in the form of running. Every beat of my heart that has his name on it also has my feet running that much harder. No, I am not one of those crazy angry girls thats imagining his face being crushed by my foot. FYI: girls, if this is the glue you use to mend the broken things...its bad glue! In actuality I am a woman that is hoping for the best in all of those I seriously care for. Plus I'm running farther and harder then I ever have in my life and it feels spectacular. So thank you?


Not much of a transition here but a change of subject. I finally did my taxes on my own today. Definitely a lot easier then I thought it was going to be but still needed the step by step instructions. So hats off to you Turbo Tax. Looking forward to that refund that I will most likely indulge on clothes from ModCloth. My new guilty pleasure. 


My splendid amazing father fixed my bike the other day and it now appears new. He might have just gotten me a new one, told me he fixed it, and now I'm handing out the father of the year award like it's candy...but I'm almost positive he's just that good ;) Anyways I have been whizzing through the city streets like any ol' hipster. I'm not too cool for a helmet though because I don't feel like dying anytime soon. Its been extremely fun though and I love the money I'm saving on gas. Now its just time for it to get warmer so I'm not suffering from frost bite by the time I get to my destination. 


Well, I'd say I've done pretty good for myself for someone who has not felt like writing. I just had to write something even if it was topics having absolutely nothing to do with each other. Maybe I should re-title this post to, "Glue, Taxes, and deceivingly convincing 'old bikes'..."...nah.... 


Over and out Philadelphia.

Good Life

I ran four straight miles yesterday for the first time in my life. Anyone who knows me knows what an accomplishment this is. I am currently training for the Broad Street Run in Philadelphia on May 1st. I started off my training not even being able to run a mile. I remember the moment I ran my first ten minute mile a few months ago. It felt so good. But this post is not about my training. It's not about how I'm feeling better about who I am lately. Its not about how I'm learning more about my body by actually paying attention to it. No, its not about any of these things.


Over last summer in 2010 my Uncle Paul passed away. He parted a family that already lost their daughter exactly four years before that; my beautiful cousin Jenna. My brother Ricky and I were in the hospital when the nurse brought out the news that Paul was not going to make it. He passed away four days before the day that Jenna passed away four years ago. This family of four was now down to two. Beautifully strong Aunt Lori and Courageous David. For my Uncle Paul's memorial service my brother Ricky compiled a video of pictures together. Starting off this video was the song Good Life by One Republic. Its a perfect song.


As a family we are learning that life is good. That God's existence in this life is SO SO good. Living in a city and amongst friends with goals about getting the gospel out to a hurting world has been life changing. Philadelphia owns me right now and I love it. Until God says otherwise this is where I will be.


So as I ran the four miles yesterday I could not stop thinking about Paul and Jenna. I was missing Jenna in a way I haven't in a long time. I listened to the song Good Life over and over again. I ran the whole four miles only listening to that song. The reason I was able to finish running was because I could not stop feeling inspired by the lyrics and how they applied to every thing. I thought about how I have absolutely nothing to complain about. That this life really is going to be a good one.

Jenna and Paul

The City of Sisterly Love

Valentines Day 11'

I have now been in Philadelphia for a year and 5 months. I left a sunny west coast for the industrial east. I was scared but I needed a change in my life. Hey, and I survived! I can't tell you how many people told me I was going to get mugged in Philadelphia...I even ran up the "Rocky Steps". Almost threw up when I got to the top...there is a lot of steps...

But here I am enjoying a life I could have never seen coming. It's as if God planned it himself ;) Besides being only 40 minutes from my incredible family and living two blocks from my brothers beautiful girlfriend I am surrounded by a community of love. 

What I felt I was lacking in California was a community of strong Christian women. I had that when I was in college but once I graduated every thing changed. 

What has been collected on this side of Philadelphia is a group of lovely ladies in my life. We all fell into each others lives mostly by chance. Some of us knew each other from before, whether it be college, work, or other churches. But about a year ago we all came together for dinner and have been together since, (four of which I live with now). Marking valentines day as this mile stone all of us went out to eat this year and enjoyed the day of love with each other. 

This week in particular has been an encouraging one and for no special reason at all; which I totally love. Spontaneous moments of joy. My favorite. 

Its been a week of working, sleeping, running, and hanging with friends. It started off with Monday night hanging out with the gals from my home group, (Bible Study in sorts...), and it was girl time to its fullest. We held conversations that no guy could have ever been a part of and it was glorious.

The rest of the week was simple and easy. It went from being in prayer with the ladies on Tuesday night, to going to Jazz with my two closest girlfriends on Thursday night, then meeting them for lunch on Friday, to ending with eating dinner with three very special women in my life on Friday night. 

Its now Saturday morning and I feel blessed, valued, and loved by God. Don't get me wrong I have also felt these things during the hard times which I have had my fair share of this year. So the other end of the spectrum is feeling blessed. I have discovered this from personal experience. 

So, to you my lovely lady friends, thank you for being amazing and a light into my life this week. 

1 Peter 3:3-4
“Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty that depends on fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should be known for the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.” (NLT)

Puppy Dogs and Thunder Storms

What a peculiar moment I had at 2am this morning. I was in a peaceful sleep dreaming about warm beaches in Mexico, laying next to my hunk of a dream husband Antonio, and drinking a Mohito. I woke up to a 106 pound dog growling and panting into my face because a thunder storm rolled in. I'm on the third story of a row home and the window in my room was shaking with fury.


Kona was howling into the night...which any noise coming from Kona is a rarity. After I finally opened my eyes and came around to what was actually happening I sleepily pulled Kona into my bed with me. Now I have a twin size day bed so you can imagine how comedic this must have looked. Once I pulled Kona into bed with me he dug his head into my armpit and continued barking.

Like any good parent (ha-ha) I rubbed his back and told him everything was going to be ok. He slowly calmed down and eventually fell asleep. His barking subsided and soon turned into snoring. Naturally as he was fast asleep snoring I was now wide awake listening to the storm outside. 

Kona still asleep in my bed at 8am.

As I lay there I thought about my life. I thought about the challenges and blessing that brought me to that exact moment. I love thunderstorms so as the weather orchestrated outside I felt a sense of peace and belonging. With this feeling though I also felt a sense of loss and loneliness. Its hard to imagine that one person can feel all of these things at the same exact time..but they found their way in. 


In my stillness I meditated on how the Lord truly does give and take away. I thought about the gives and takes of my relationship with the Lord. As I had this thought filled conversation with God I came to the conclusion that my sense of peace and belonging strongly outweighed the loss and loneliness. I am loved. No matter what, I am loved and wanted by God. In my stillness I could hear God saying, "Daughter, sleep with peace. You belong to me. You are bought and paid for by Christ and I love you." 

With that I fell asleep and woke up rejuvenated hungry for the day. I didn't even mind that Kona's wet nose was still in my armpit.

Sisterhood

(Click on Title for photo Album)

Taylor, Maya, Me, Ashley

I am one lucky gal. I am blessed in my life by four beautiful sisters. In the order of age is Holly, Ashley, myself, Taylor, and Maya. Each of us are very different from each other and our personalities are distinctly our own. But God has used these women to strengthen my life. They have all been through some of the roughest times in my life and theirs. In no way can I give more credit to my older sisters for this then my younger ones. Its easy to say that my older sisters were amazing when I was going through a really hard time in my life during a break up in college with a guy I dated from high school. Or its easy to say that my younger sisters were incredible to live with during the summers of college while I was living at home with my Dad and step Mom. Feeling their youthfulness and being able to join in on their adventures inspired me.


Even now watching them grow into women is one of the most timeless experiences. They are both so beautiful and intelligent and have these amazing vibrant personalities that make you feel nothing but proud to be their sister. I sit there some times and just smile with a sense of ownership. Where I think, about all of my sisters, "these are my sisters. They're mine to have, to love, to pick on, to cry with, to get angry at, to laugh with until it hurts, to share secrets with. God has given these beautiful women to me to cherish. They are a gift."

I now reside in Philadelphia. I lived in Southern California for 5 years attending Azusa Pacific University and then eventually living in Santa Monica for 8 months. People think I'm absolutely crazy for moving. I also moved here right before the huge snow storm in 09'. Now I'm normally from Chicago but even that snow storm swallowed up anything I thought I new about surviving the winter. But I loved it! My Dad, step mom, and three of my sisters live in Delaware not too far from Philadelphia. So now I live here with the option of being with my sisters any time I want. I moved for my family. I missed them.

My sister Maya started attending church with me on Sundays. She strolls in at 12 years old with a style better then any one else's. You will usually find her in skinny jeans, heals, a sweater to her mid thigh, and a stylish belt over top. Maya is a young woman that walks to a beat of her own drum; and I love it. She adds into the conversation like any ol' person in their 20's. Where to go eat after church, the sermon, what our weeks were like...these are the regular topics of conversation that usually follow church. When Maya chimes in, if you couldn't see her, you would think she was a 25 year old adding in their opinion. For example; I remember one Sunday when the conversation following church was based off of where to eat. We were all suggesting different places and Maya spoke up with, "I'm definitely down for anything but I'm really not feeling IHOP today so if we could rule that out that would be great." Granted we have never gone to IHOP after church before but we all looked at her and smiled. IHOP was officially ruled out.

My sister Ashley just moved from Baltimore to Delaware to be closer to our family. She has an amazing husband named Gary, a handsome son named Nathan, and a beautiful daughter named Sophia Grace...or Phoie as Nathan refers to her. If I could think of one word to describe her it would be strength. This woman is Legit ;) Occasionally you will hear the stories of the people where when hard times hit their spirit is gone. Even if this situation never hits again, it doesn't matter. There is nothing you can say or do for these individuals. But then there are those you hear about that no matter what they have done or what horrific things they may have witnessed, because they find their way back home they are better people than if they had never gone through this hard time at all. This person is my beautiful sister Ashley.








 

Holly

I love the imagery that comes to mind with the phrase My Brothers Keeper. What does that phrase really mean to the world? Well, to my sister Holly it means exactly that. My oldest brother Josh suffers from schizophrenia. He suffers from it so bad in fact that he has become a prisoner in his own body. My sister Holly is divinely courageous with her love towards Josh. Having Holly as an older sister has probably been one of the biggest testaments to why I myself am growing into the woman that I am. Watching her selflessly care for my brother the way she does has been incredible. When I say the word selflessly I mean it to its fullest definition. Taking care of some one with schizophrenia is hard. All of us siblings clearly love Josh but the place that he has in Holly's heart is special and unreachable except by him alone. Watching a person love the way Holly does, it is impossible not to be truly impacted for life...and for that I am eternally grateful for her.



Now, I love all of my siblings but I LOVE Taylor. I put a special emphasis on this sister in particular because love is a word you will rarely hear come out of her mouth. Taylor hearts every body. She has been replacing the word love with the word heart as long as I can remember. Why she does this I have no idea. Am I worried that she refuses to tell me she loves me? Absolutely not. Taylor has an awesome personality and she is very adamant about her direction in life. She doesn't quit and she will do every thing in her power to get what she wants. She has inspired me to read the Twilight series and the Harry Potter series. I love discussing both of these stories with her. Generally we will have the same opinion on characters but once in a while we both think we are right and the other is clearly wrong. I watched her as she decided to be a Vegan just to do it and stuck with it until my step Mom made her turn into a Vegetarian for health reasons. She has been going strong with this for about a year? I'm probably wrong on the time frame but you get the point ;) Taylor is growing into a beautiful confident woman. She is in high school now and it feels like last Tuesday she was just learning how to walk. Even in that moment she was so proud of herself. Ricky, my older brother, held her hands and helped her walk out into the living room and her face encompassed such joy. She crawled back to the starting point waiting for Ricky about 10 times that afternoon. Taylor is now at the point where she does not need us to hold her hands anymore and when she falls down she always gets back up. We have slowly fallen away from being her teacher but have quickly moved into the spot of learning a tremendous amount from her. She is my own personal life coach ;)



This is what I love. I love my sisters. They are my soul mates. They are my life long partners in crime and victory. They are the furrow in my brow but also the smile on my face. They are the main reason I have laugh lines as deep as I do. They are there to forever remind me of my most embarrassing moments...and then share them with any future boyfriends of mine.




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